Don't raise a leech
I’ve noticed this topic coming up on a few mommy blogs and parenting pages recently and I thought that, as an educator of teens, I’d like to add a few points. We need to remember that our kids are not there to be coddled but to be raised. This means allowing them to learn how to become adults whilst still living under the protection of your roof. You can teach them life skills that they will keep forever, and that is the best gift a parent to give to a child. So without further adieu…
Blog: What should teens be doing themselves:
Help with the shopping. Not financially necessarily (we’ll get to that) but to learn what needs to be purchased for a recipe to make a meal. Also encourage them to read labels so they see the nutritional value of certain items. Check the sugar levels between brands of yoghurt, for example, they may be horrified to see what they are consuming and can learn to make better choices.
2. Making dinner, at least once a week. These are not babies who can’t be trusted with a knife or will cover the kitchen with flour. They are nearly adults and need to learn life skills. They should also be preparing their own nutritious lunches to take to school.
3. Do you still go to their doctor’s appointments? Maybe you need to back off that. Your nearly adult child may need to have a personal conversation with their doctor that you don’t need to be involved in, like at a gynea appointment. If you’re worried, help them make a list of issues they want to discuss with their doctor (so they don’t forget any symptom or issue) and leave space for them to ask further questions without you present.
4. Money. Are they making any or are you still the cash cow? All teens should be given the opportunity to earn their own dough. Chores at home for under 15s and actual income earning jobs for older teens. Getting a job in the service industry (waitering, dog walking) will make them more conscientious consumers and just better people.
5. Speaking of their own money, what are they expected to buy with it? I do believe that older teens (and certainly “kids” still at home in their 20s) should be responsible for purchasing their own things. Luxury items. Ie. iTunes vouchers, expensive shoes etc. They need to learn to save up for these purchases. You work hard for your money, teach them to as well.
6. Washing: laundry, dishes and floors. There is no excuse to not be a contributing member of the household. Get your kids (from toddlers to teens) involved in all household matters.
7. Doing the driving. Obviously, someone in SA can only be in the drivers’ seat when they are 17 and have a valid learners permit. But they should be getting used to how much driving an adult person does and how much this costs. If you’re running out to get takeaways or grabbing something that is needed for school tomorrow, make your teen come with. Why should they sit at home while you run out to perform chores for them? Let them in on how much your car payments are per month, insurance premiums, how much a tank of petrol costs. These are important insights and remind them that everything costs!
8. Gardening or building maintenance. This may seem over the top but let’s face it, these are life skills that all girls and boys need going forward. Things like mowing the lawn, planting veggie gardens, changing a lightbulb, hanging a picture, using a drill; these are things we all need to know how to do. I wish someone had taken the time to show me how to use power tools! On that note please do not make things gender specific, let everyone do everything, at least once. Performing such jobs can not only introduce teens to new skills but maybe even help them find new passions. Tiling and grouting a bathroom could lead to a love of mosaic art, for example, and growing your own food will always be an invaluable skill!
Nothing is worse than an incapable adult. Raise your child to become a contributing member of the human race and stop babying them.
